See anything messed up /slash/ bank robbery

Yup. So here it is, by popular demand! My blog. This is where I keep track of all of my nonsense...

It took me nearly forever to get the colour scheme right... Or should I say, what I think is right. Or, what goes with that nifty little photoshop image I made! So if you come across something that doesn't look right, leave me a comment so that I can check it out and wrack my brain trying to find out which stupid color code it belongs to.

Hopefully this font is ok...


Here's some healthy reading before I make my next post. The super mega collossal brainwave post.

Enjoy...


A few years ago, my friend Eric and I, on one cold and boring February morning had this idea. We were going to rob a bank. We had pretty well everything planned out as well. All we needed to know was, “Which major metropolitan bank were we going to hit?” We never came to that conclusion. But let’s just say that City “A” had a major bank in their downtown district, which just so happens to be across the street from said bank, is a coffee shop. That’s the starting point. That’s where we start from when we go to rob it. We’ll have none of this underground drilling bullshit. That’s for the pussies of the bank robbing business.

And no, we aren’t pussies.

No no, we were going to do something much cooler than drilling under a building and robbing it from the inside. It would just be too easy. You see, we were going to map out different spots on City A’s map. And whichever buildings corresponded with the spots on the map, were going to be rigged with explosives. And just to be on the safer side, not to be labeled as terrorists, we would try to keep the explosives away from the public highschools and residential areas of the city. We’d blow up warehouses, things of that nature where there would be as few casualties as possible. But then, the next day, after every building was rigged. We would sit in the coffee shop across the street from our target, and we would wait. And since technology has provided us with a way to turn a simple cellular telephone into a detonator, we would simple dial a number and building one would go up in a ball of fire and all things associated with exploding stuff. Then, after the proper authorities are called in to investigate the whole thing, we dial the second number on our handy dandy cellular teledetonator and we would reduce explosion point B to nothing but a similar ball of fire and metal and whatever it is that happened to point A. Followed closely by point C, which will be a point kind of out of the way, so the fire fighters and policemen have just that much farther to drive in order to put the fire out and do whatever it is policemen do when faced by these kinds of situations. We also thought about starting a forest fire in the woods near one of the city’s suburban areas, but that would have broken the rule of not blowing up things near residential areas…

So after the three explosions, there would be mass hysteria because there have been more than one explosion ion the span of maybe sixteen to twenty-three minutes. And once everything has been declared a gigantic fucking mess, we would run out of our coffee shop hideout, across the street, and into the bank, where we would proceed to get the people to open the safe, put the money in these burlap bags with green dollar signs on them, (gotta look like professionals one way or another), then, once everything was done, we would kill the witnesses in the bank, just because they would be able to give elaborate descriptions of our attire and whatnot. And then we would leave the bank, hop into a lime green 1972 Pinto hatchback, and drive away, successful.

But there is a slight problem with our master plan of robbing this bank. We both lacked the monetary funds to be able to come close to achieving the ultimate goal of robbing the motherfucker’s blind. We thought about asking our parents for a start, using an ever so clever ruse to trick them into giving us the money. We would say that we were going to go on a trip. But then we realized that there would be no way they would believe us. And besides, I was already asking my mom for money every time I turned around, so that was out of the question, and Eric’s parents were out buying “coffee” all the time.

That’s the secret code word… Figure it out and I’ll mail you a dollar.

And really, any money that would have been given to us from our parents would have gone to the coffee that we bought while sitting in the shop waiting for the shit to hit the fan. So we needed another financial wizard to give us our seed money. We couldn’t find, or rather, didn’t bother to look. Who in their right fucking mind is going to give two teenage guys the money to go rob a bank? We realized that we can’t get money without money, so we gave up on our dream to rob a bank… But we still kept the idea, and that’s what counts. I once told it to a friend of mine; he told me that it was a really good idea. I was flattered; I didn’t think that anyone would think that an idea for robbing a bank would be a good one. Then he told me to shut up and stop talking to people about it. I guess he thought that it was too good of an idea to let out into the open so freely like that. Then again, he was kind of a moron.

There’s a lesson to be learned here kids, when you plan to rob a bank, don’t plan too hard. It gets too expensive, and you’ll end up owing all of what you gained back to the people who supported your efforts, unless they’re the type of person who didn’t care if you paid them back. Then go for it. Make as much of a bang as humanly possible. What’s the worst that can happen?



As an aside... There's part of me that wants to call this thing the "KarBlog." A blatant rip off of the MBlog, naturally. But they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, don't they?