The Karblog

Canadian TV is worse than American TV.

2012-01-12T12:06:00.003-05:00

Every Canadian version of an American TV show is absolutely horrible. And do we really need another go around of re-runs of 3rd rock from the sun? Honestly?

I'd bitch more, but Roseanne is on...

The First time since the last time. (Or The Return Of The Mack)

2012-01-10T20:20:00.005-05:00

I used to fancy myself quite the creative person. A regular jack of all trades, if you will. But I've started to come to a bit of a realization about myself here in these passed few months. (Or years, depending on how you look at it.)

I've become bland...

This is the first time I've blogged since the last time I've blogged way back in November of 2008 (That's nearly four years ago for you home players!) and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I'm worthy of this little slice of internet paradise. I used to be such a funny motherfucker writing passionate pleas to Quentin Tarrantino about getting on the ball reviving Jean Claude Van Damme's career of all things. (Which has actually seen a bit of a resurgence these passed couple of years, actually. EXPENDABLES 2!!! HELL YEAH!)

I see my writing, I read my writing, I know it's me who has written it, but part of me doesn't feel like that person anymore. Since moving back to the true north strong and free I feel like something is missing, that a bit of my essence got lost on the great drive up the 95.

Maybe I'm just full of it...

My writing has suffered because of my indifference. Music? I haven't written anything new in almost two years. Words? Well, if this blog is any indication, you know exactly how much I've written here lately. I guess maybe it's time to get on the horse. I gotta get back on the horse! I know it seems like a pretty quick turn around, but I've sat at "Maybe I'm just full of it..." for about a half hour thinking about it all. Where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going are all pretty fucking interesting ordeals. Fuck feeling sorry for myself... Hell, since I've moved back I can wear this wicked sweet button up shirt I have with the buttons actually buttoning and the best part is if I sit down while wearing it, the buttons don't just fly open because of my bulbous gut! (oh it's still there! Just a little less!) It's pretty damn sweet! Sure, my beautiful car is surrounded by snow, but that's MY car! I OWN that sumbitch! Nobody can take away what I've got! I owe no man no thing! (Though I do owe an amazing woman a great deal. Love you mom!)

That's something I can take pride in. Something I WILL take pride in. I've spent the last three months of last year, and the first ten days of this feeling absolutely sorry for myself that I've lost sight on all that's good. While I might not have much, I'm rich in what I do have. Fuck the haters.

And like the first time since the last time, I've got to give a big thanks to Nikki Pea and her fabulous blog at COMMATOSE.CA for inspiring me to ramble on. You're the best, Nik!

We're gonna have to do something about this.

2008-11-14T01:00:00.002-05:00

Some jabroni shot big window in my living room with a BB Gun yesterday. So between three incidents of a stolen license plate, stolen gas, and now this... I believe it's time for a little frontier justice.

Two posts in one year?!?!

2008-11-12T20:20:00.003-05:00

You got it! And there's only one thing to say about that. (posting images is great fun.)

I never used this blog anymore.

2008-11-12T02:30:00.001-05:00

Though I always post it as a link when I sign up for things when it asks, "website url" It's either this blog, or my myspace page. But I suppose since I do own this thing, I aught to maybe spruce it up, and actually use it.

Blogs can be a good time. If you look through some of the old posts, there might be a few juicy pieces of comedy. (I happen to think some of the pieces are funny. But then again, comedy is subjective.) My blog could be a good time. It could be someone's entire Friday night, who knows! Surely I might be up to that task. (Damn my last post was Feb. 09 2007. And it's really LAME. It was deleted. Don't bother looking for it. lolzorsz!)

oh, big ups to Nikki for reminding me that I still have a blog!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2006-12-31T13:59:00.000-05:00

WOO WOO WOO!

Ohh Saturdays...

2006-10-07T09:26:00.001-04:00

Another Saturday Night - Cat Stevens.

Another saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way.

I got in town a month ago
I seen a lot of girls since then,
If I could meet em I could get em
But as yet I havent met em
Thats how I'm in the state I'm in.

Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of bein my deliverance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein.

It's hard on a fella
When he don't know his way around
If I don't find me a honey
To help me spend my money
I'm gonna have to blow this town.

Another saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money cause I just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful, ooh, I'm in an awful way,
He's in an awful way, I'm in an awful way,
I'm in an awful way, he's in an awful way.

Thumbs up!

2006-10-06T20:51:00.000-04:00

Thumbs up!, originally uploaded by karl_mack_z.

OPTIMISM BABY. OHH YEAH.

In the light of uncertainty...

2006-09-22T23:24:00.000-04:00

I become creative!

Yeah, so I decided to record a half-written song I wrote a little ways back. Kind of a protest song-ish type of thing. So I named it as such. You can check it out here if you like.

I've noticed something about my songs when I write them. I found a reccurring theme about them. They're all about apathy. Although, like my buddy JD always says, "write about what ya know." Or something to that effect... I can't remember quite exactly how he said it, but that's the jist of it. And boy, oh boy, do I know about some apathy! And I watch the news too. So that kind got in there a bit. I think I should add more to it, and I probably will. But I haven't recorded music in so long, that I just felt obligated to put something up there, ya know?

But you should definitely check it out. And if you're reading this and I don't know you, and you have myspace, you should send me a friend request! I never turn anyone down, unless you're... Well, nobody... I don't think I've turned one down yet! Anyway. Later on peoples.

Never Get Your Hopes Up.

2006-09-12T23:45:00.000-04:00

So, this whole making it somewhere with music shit has pretty much been a waste of time. Everything was going great though, for a while anyway. Went to band practice today, and Ryan says, "Hey, I'm moving to Indiana in December so I'm gonna have to quit the band then!"

...Wonderfuckingful news...

Right now, I don't even feel like being in a band. I'm so discouraged with this crap. If I never get called to jam again, I wouldn't even care. Part of me knew this was coming though, so I shouldn't have been too surprised by it. Well, at least Don is still in it with me. He also shares my discouragement in the situation.

I thought that once we became a trio, weeded out all of the riff raff, we'd be off to Rock N Roll heaven in no time. There was gonna be nothing stopping us! We've got good music, commradery, and all that good stuff. Or at least I thought so. I was stoked about the fact that it was just going to be the three of us, Don, Ryan and I. And now another one is bailing on us like others have done before. It's retarded... But yeah, as of this writing, if I never play music in a full band again, it wouldn't bother me one bit. My heart was always in acoustic music since I moved here from Canada anyhow. But I was really starting to enjoy the whole "band" thing. I enjoyed feeding off of the energy my bandmates put out, and now that's in serious jeopardy... I hate this... Why can't people who are dedicated to playing music cross my path?

I think I'm going to go drown my sorrows in Orange pop and Aqua Teen Hunger Force... Maybe MacGyver...

The night the decrepit old douche left town!

2006-08-24T23:10:00.000-04:00

Man, lemme tell you, writing songs under a deadline is HARD WORK. I'm wracking (I don't think that's how it's spelled.) my brain trying to write something for this really good song that Don and I wrote for the band, and it's becoming very difficult. I don't want to write anything about girls, because I don't have a whole lot to go on in that department outside of some flings here and there. And quite frankly, that stuff is TOTALLY played out. Songs about being downtrodden, then standing up for yourself are played out too... I should know, I've written like, two of those already!

That's just it, songwriting in general is played out. I wish I was a technical enough guitarist that I could just solo through an entire song and call myself a "Virtuoso" like Steve Vai and the like. But no, I'm mediocre, and I'm cool with that. It's just sometimes I'd really love to flash my way through EVERYTHING music. Though all the flash in the world doesn't equal beans when you're struggling to write words. ARRRRRRGH!!!

So, about the title...

It's Lee's last night in Wilson before he leaves to mooch off of his uncle at the beach. He used to play in the band, and he sucked. He thought he was a lead guitar player, and could play these really great solos, but he couldn't. All he did was try to drown Don and I out with his repetitive cat-strangling sounds. One time he came to practice smelling like piss... And to quote Dane Cook; "He didn't smell like just a pint of piss, it was like he was dipped in a VAT of piss! It was like he woke up in the morning and said, "Yeah! Bring on the piss!" It was absolutely disgusting. He stunk out Ryan's house too. The worst of it was, was I was rocking out while we were jamming, and I caught a whiff of stink off of him. It was mortifying! I literally stopped playing, it was so bad.

But the stinky little shit is leaving town, hopefully for good! So to commemorate it, here's a picture of him on the crapper!

WE WON'T MISS YA, YA SMELLY BASTARD!

I'm addicted to Nirvana, AGAIN.

2006-08-21T23:34:00.000-04:00

Tripping.

So lately, I haven't been able to stop listening to Nirvana. It's great! It brings me back to a time in life when things were simpler, back to 8th grade. Back to when I was on top of the world. Man, I miss those times. Part of me wishes that I could re-live them, but most of me doesn't, and is glad that things went the way they did. I started playing music back then in a band called The Backseat Drivers with Arron and Jason. Our first gig was at our Middle School's Variety show. We played About A Girl, and Something In The Way. It was such a cool time. Back when the music room at DRHS was where music was made, not where we played cheesy orchestral renditions of classic Queen songs.

I don't know what's up with it, but I'm lovin' it, and I had to write it down somewhere!

My Triumphant Return To The Blog

2006-06-09T13:57:00.000-04:00

YEAH!

So as fate would have it, I return to the blog that I've neglected for oh so long. The blog that I originally started as a place where I could tell wacky stories about all kinds of nutty misadventures that have occurred mostly during the summer of 2001. And as you can see, I've run out of the will to type these stories down. Well, truth be told, I've pretty much told all the good ones months ago. So now you have the same old boring Karl that populates the small house in the South.

Frankly, I'm not as much fun as I am in the stories I've told anymore.

I've started playing in a band again. Which has been pretty fun, for the most part. We've got a really good thing going, I think. I'm playing bass guitar, which is pretty much a foreign instrument to me. I mean, I've got over a decade of guitar playing in me, so it's not really too much different, but at the same time, it's much more difficult. Truth be told, I feel much more comfortable playing a six string as opposed to just four.

But it's ok, I guess. I'll get over it, maybe.

We had our first show last night, and it was an interesting experience, to say the least. We got to the venue at 7pm. We were supposed to go on at 10:30, or somewhere near there. Turns out, they only started at 6:30, so we ended up only going on stage at midnight. Which absolutely sucked. There's a bunch of other things I was going to go on about. But I started telling JD, and I don't feel like re-typing it. Basically I told him about the douchebag I was gonna kill, but he jumped in his car and drove off before I got the chance, like the bitch that he is. If you want to know the story, IM me.

So until next time.

Which Saved By The Bell Character Are You?

2006-05-09T00:37:00.000-04:00

Fun quiz.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

...Two Months Later

2006-05-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

Work blows. But the money is good, so that's why I stick around.

So it's been a while, hasn't it? Not that anyone reads this, but it's still nice to think so. I've officially been working my ass off lately, bulldozing. How wild is that? I know how to run heavy machinery! Though the downside to that, is that I haven't got time to do anything after work. I get up at 5am every day to drive an hour and a half to be in time for work. Then I work all day long, get off at 6pm (5pm on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday though.) then make the long drive back home in time for a shower, food, the occassional game of Battlefield 2 or GTA: San Andreas, and sleep. It's a bit of a raw deal for me, one who likes to lounge around and play guitar. But the money is good, so I stick around to work it.

I've been playing a lot of Cat Stevens songs lately. They're really fun to play, and Cat is an amazing musician. And yesterday, while sick with the flu, I decided to cover "Where Do The Children Play." It's on the Myspace page right now, so CHECK IT OUT. Don't forget to leave a sweet comment or two. Anywho, I'm going to go crawl up into a ball and sleep now, maybe. I don't know. Take it easy cats and kittens.

Works in Progress

2006-03-30T21:16:00.000-05:00

As you can see, the Karblog is finally making some much needed changes on the design front. Sure, this is pretty much just the generic template that you can pick when you don't pay money to fully customize, but if you're like me, and you know just enough HTML to make a simple webpage, things like this are very much welcome. Not sure if I'll do much tweaking to the design outside of changing colors whenever I change banners, which may not happen for a little while, since I like the banner that I've got. Fun program, Photoshop is, ya? Yeah.

I've got a couple of things on the go. Finally mustered up the courage to put my music on the net for people to critique. So far I've gotten pretty positive reviews, which rocks. I don't know if it's just me, but posting the songs up on myspace was kind of a nerve wracking thing for me. People that I know have sent me messages saying things like they didn't really believe that I could write songs like that are both kind of cool, but at the same time, it kind of worries me. Why don't people think that I can write songs? Is it because I have an off the wall kind of demeanor? Is it my lack of seriousness at times that makes everyone I know think that I can't sit down and write something serious and meaningful? Well, I don't know if it's very meaningful, but you know what I mean. What the hell? Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of it... Maybe I should be looking at it from the "glass half full" point of view. I mean, I like to prove people wrong. I like to show folks that there's more than just the loveable retard that is Karl. Thinking about it that way makes me feel better. Right on, eh?

If anyone says that blogging isn't theraputic, they should be punched in the stomach. And Matt just totally walked up and busted out a Power Rangers pose for absolutely no reason. Now HE is a nut. haha!

Yeah, I'll update more as things that are update worthy pop up! Oh, and if I didn't add you to my myspace dealio, go to my page, and add me.

Until next time!

Music on Myspace

2006-03-22T16:07:00.000-05:00

So I decided to create one of those myspace music pages to put my tunes on. Check it out Here

If you downloaded the song that I posted on the blog a while back, that one is on there, plus another.

I've got three more songs that just need a bit of arranging, then they'll be put up there. So yeah, go give them a listen if ya feel like it.

Why is there never anything to do on Saturday nights anymore?

2006-03-04T20:49:00.000-05:00

What is up with that?

There's never anything good to do on Saturday nights these days... Long gone are the days of getting hammered and piling into James's car for an evening of drunken mayhem. Now they're replaced with sitting in my room, watching television, or sitting down and playing a few matches with Arsenal on FIFA 2004. (Yes, I'm aware that it's 2006, but let's face it, I'm poor, and can't afford to buy the latest one.) Is this what life is going to be like for me from now on? Confined to my room on what's supposed to be the night I'm supposed to leave it in exchange for an evening of fun? I keep thinking that maybe I should be trying to initiate some kind of mischief. But then I think, I'm 23 years old, and slowly but surely getting fat. I don't exactly have the stamina to run away from the cops anymore if someone were to not appreciate what I'm trying to do. Well, then again, this is the United States of America I'm living in, so I'll more than likey just be fucking shot at by some retarded redneck who thinks that it's his right to carry an M16 in his house because the people who wrote the Decloration Of Independance owned muskets and thought that it might not be a bad idea to have them around in case of a bear attack or something like that.

Jerkoffs...

But anyway, maybe it's because I don't know the right people? Someone has to be having fun on Saturday nights, why can't I meet them and partake in the good times? Oh yeah, I'm stuck in my room... duh... But I wouldn't know the first place to look for it. I'm not sure if there are clubs in Wilson... Not that I'd go, because I hate those kinds of places. But there has to be some place like that where people are hanging out, and having fun doing something other than shaking their asses and whatever it is they do in clubs. (Yeah, my knowledge of those places comes from rap videos, so who knows what they're REALLY like.) The people I do know aren't much into having the odd beer, playing some music, and then driving around looking for an adventure. I long for the good ol' days.

Maybe it's just a product of our environment? Wilson isn't exactly known for it's fun-ness. One time I got a phone call, and the guy who called asked if I wanted to go to a fire. To which I replied, "What the hell do I want to go to a fire for?" See, that's the type of crap that happens here. It could have been fun, but how much fun can a fire be after you've successfully burned EIGHT tires in one bonfire at the same time? Exactly. Not quite as fun.

Maybe that's my problem... Maybe I've done too much, and that everything that's suggested to do, I've done to the extreme and it just bores the hell out of me? Maybe not, maybe so. All I know, is that I'm seriously thinking about watching my MR. NANNY DVD. Yup, I own it. Hulk Hogan and Sherman Helmsley make comedy gold!

(Edit: A new layout will be done as soon as I put Photoshop back on this computer.)

The other day...

2006-02-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

I had an epiphany...

LIFE ROCKS.

Cozy Acoustic Jams

2006-01-31T23:03:00.000-05:00

Or something like that.

Yeah, this is that song I was talking about all those months ago. I don't know, I don't think it's all that great, plus there are a few things that I've added to it since I recorded this. But it's worth a listen to, I suppose. I'm not really the best singer, but it's alright.

If I sent this to anyone, don't bother downloading it, because I've already sent it to you.

Check it out ">Here

Comments are appreciated, even if you've already heard it. Please don't tell me I suck too bad.

Terms of Endearment

2006-01-30T23:43:00.000-05:00

Or, hey moron!

So it's been a while since I posted something, right? And after being told not to advertise my blog if I wasn't going to post, on top of being called a pussy, I decided to write something. Not sure what though, sometimes I have a sort of general idea to write about. But tonight, I've got nothing... Not even the slightest thing to write about... Nothing funny, nothing insightful, like there's ever been anything insightful written in this blog ever! I suppose I could start with that. But that would kind of defeat the purpose of the original idea of my blog. I don't know. I am confused!

I know what I could do! I could put up a cool list of things that are cool. How about that? Yeeeeeah. I know I did put up something about uploading a song I wrote... But I don't know... The version of the song I have recorded is so much crappier and unfinished compared to the new one I have, and for some strange reason, my microphone decided to die on me. Maybe I'll still upload it later on. We'll see.

My list of things that are cool.

1. Rock & Roll
2. Acoustic Guitars
3. Interesting Personalities
4. Honesty
5. Messages From Good Friends
6. Sleeping Late
7. Motivation (Even though I seriously lack it)
8. Life

There's more, but those are about the most important, I think. The order is random, so ya know. And don't ask about the title. I have no idea where I was going with that.

Edit: I'll be changing the layout soon.

Like a Buick dropping on a five year old.

2005-12-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

Impact.

Blech... Deadlines suck... And since I'm on one, I've got no choice but to post, don't I? I'm not sure how epic this'll be, but ya know, whatever... I think may have set the bar a bit too high with my first few posts. It's kind of hard to top the epic stuff I've posted, especially the early stuff... Speaking of which, I really need to find that letter I was gonna send to Quentin Tarantino... That's been lost in the shuffle... Someone has to fight for Van Damme's career, right? Might as well be me!

But on top of all that stuff, I've been writing songs lately... Or at least trying to... I had one idea hit me like a buick dropping on a five year old (hence the title) and I've been working on it for the passed few days or so. It's not exactly something that I'd write, either. People who know me think of me as an old school Metal head, since I've played in Metal bands since the mid to late 90's, the last one being in 2001 before I moved Stateside. This stuff is quite a departure from Metal. It leans more towards Jack Johnson than Metallica. Which is a lot better for my situation, seeing as it's a hell of a lot easier playing acoustic surf grooves with just one guitar. It wouldn't be that cool playing Metal with no drummer to me.

The song itself has some bits of social commentary in it for whatever reason. I try to stay away from that stuff, because it honestly bores the shit out of me. But since I've been having bouts of insomnia, it kinda crept in there, and for once I liked the result. It's not blatant "FU George Bush" crap, either. It's not even subliminal "FU George Bush" crap. I really only call it "social commentary" because war is a theme in it, and there's a major conflict going on right now. Seriously though, if I ever wrote something like that, I'd stab myself in the brain with a Q-tip. Perhaps when I get it finished, I'll post it and let everyone hear it. I can't sing for beans, (I've been told otherwise), so don't forget to sugar coat your comments about it so it won't totally kill me with grief! hahaha.

Umm, I can't think of anything funny to say right now...

From night to day

2005-12-07T23:11:00.000-05:00

I decided to get rid of the black background and whatnot... I think the white looks much cleaner... And that's what counts... What I think that is!!! hahaha!

Well, your thoughts count as well... If there's anyone reading this, that is.

Just being the nice guy that I am.

2005-12-04T21:58:00.000-05:00

The update that I promised yesterday.

I've been on a bit of a nostalgia trip lately. As some of you may or may not know, I spent the first 18 years of my life living in various places on the North Shore of New Brunswick, and in August of 2001, I moved to North Carolina, in the United States of America for reasons that I really don't want to get into. Mainly because I don't feel like typing it up. The important thing is, is that I made a big move to a new country. It was pretty exciting, scary, fun, and horrible all at the same time. Gave me a bit of a fresh start, you'd say, even though I'm actually doing less...

But that's not the point... The point is, my nostalgia trip has been all about the last summer that I spent in Canada, and all the cool stuff that my friends and I did. It all started really when one of them, who I basically talked to once or twice in the passed four or so years I've been here, emailled me the other day. In the email, he talked about all the cool things we used to do, and it just brought back so many great memories. You see, my older brother and I, along with the dude who emailled me (Tiger), all lived in a house together when my Mom and two brothers moved to the states in 2000. I was a senior in highschool, and so were my two best friends, and bandmates (Arron and James). My whole motive for staying was to graduate with them. But anyway, we had the most epic school year/summer EVER. Every Friday they'd come down to the house and we'd play music in the empty room upstairs which I affectionately call the jam room. It was such a blast. We had made a demo tape of ourselves and everything. It was awesome. Which reminds me, I really need to give that a listen to again.

Anyway, we did so many epic things that summer. That was the most important part of it. One time we got drunk and decided to go over to the next town and throw our empty beer bottles at stuff at 1am! That was such a blast! We threw bottles at a transport, at cars, and even at someone walking down the street! Hahaha! Then we drove around and yelled at folks. There was this guy walking with his chick all romantic like, and my brother Kris yells out, "FUCK HER! I DID!" It was hysterical!

But theeeeeen it turned bad once we were leaving town.

See, the streets were really weirdly laid out. You basically had to almost turn around to continue down the direction you were going. If you didn't, you were going into oncoming traffic. So James, not knowing the street well, ended up going into the wrong lane, and into basically, if it weren't 3:3am, oncoming traffic. So we start yelling at him telling him where to go, and BOOM from behind we see the blue lights flashing. COPS. We got pulled over, all of us but James were drinking, and I was under age (I was 18 at the time). So anyway, the female cop asks for James' license and registration, pretty routine stuff if you've ever been pulled over by the cops, or gone through a license check, or whatever. But James never went through this before, plus with all the shit we caused in the two hours we were in town added onto it, James was a nervous wreck. He called the female cop "Sir." Bad move... Haha. And the cop was like, "Do I look like a sir to you?" I would have laughed if I wasn't drunk in the back seat, doing my damnedest to look sober. So anyway, we get through the license and registration part and we were just about to leave with nothing but a warning when from up the street comes the guy we threw the beer bottle at! He goes through the motions of telling the cops that we threw a beer bottle at him, (I should state that it didn't hit him, and he wasn't cut by any broken glass or anything like that. Though it would have made it that much funnier if he was!) and the cops started to get real serious with us. Luckily, Tig was quick witted, and he talked our way out of it for us.

Let me tell you, that was the most intense moment of my life... If it wasn't for him, my Mom would have had to send us bail money from the States... But knowing her, she'd probably let us sit there for a few days first! Mom's big into having us learn our lessons. And did I learn my lesson that night! No more drunken rampages in Bathurst!

I'd type more, but I'm being offered some dinner, and I'm hongry. So I'm going to get it.

More stories later onnnnnnnn!

By popular demand...

2005-12-04T00:08:00.000-05:00

I will update!!!

TOMORROW!

I'm an uninteresting son of a gun.

2005-11-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

Don'tcha think?

So I haven't updated like I said I was going to. Sue me... It's not that I can't think of any goofy story to tell, because I have oodles and oodles of them. A plethora, if you will, of stories. But for some odd reason, the couple of hours a day I spend sitting at the computer, writing wacky stories for the six people that actually view my blog, (is there even six???) just doesn't appeal to me very much.

Sure, not every blog can be a super popular blog where I get thirty to fourty-five posts per entry, and everyone loves me and all the ladies want to have my children. Would be nice though, I think. As I type this, it's gotten the ol' wood burning inside my brain, and I think I've come up with a way to get some much needed attention for my little slice of paradise...

Now wrap your minds around this... You know those people who stand outside of Wal-Mart and like, drug stores and crap ringing a bell, trying to collect money for the Red Cross... Or is it the Salvation Army??? Whatever, you know who I'm talking about. ANYWAY, my plan is to get one of those signs that people wear outside of stores as they walk around handing out flyers and coupons to whatever business hired them. And what I'll do is stake out the places where the bell ringers are, and with my trusty sign, coupled with their vigorous ringing of the bell, I will hand out flyers with my blog's address printed on them!

That should drum up SOME traffic... Don't you think?

Photos coming when I get my camera fixed, and enough money for a few hundred flyers...

To pass more time!

2005-11-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry, Cats and Kittens

2005-11-14T16:36:00.000-05:00

For my lack of posting in these passed few days.

Well, I'm working on my letter to send to Tarantino about casting Van Damme in the starring role of his next movie.

Quick life update... I've taken more tylenol than any human is supposed to take before their liver fails. I now hate Football ... HATE IT... The next time I take a punch in the face, I'm freaking out and killing someone! Plus I had some burly dude totally drop his shoulder and hit me in the face when he was running at full speed. NOT FUN.

But the excellent touchdown passes I threw, were excellent. Of course that was before I got my friggin brain scrambled.

George Strait /slash/ A Fight To The Death???

2005-11-09T22:31:00.000-05:00

Cuz All My Ex's Live In Texas...

So far tonight, in the thirty three minutes I've been at the computer, I've listened to George Strait's "All My Ex's" a total of fifteen times. Or at least I'm pretty sure it's been fifteen. And with each listen, it keeps getting better and better! I mean, it's not like I've listened to it, then put another song on, then went back. It's been non-stop George Strait MADNESS!!!! It's so cool being me. I think I just may be the only twenty-three year old man on the planet that likes this song. Which is cool. And if I'm not, don't tell me! Ignorance is BLISS! Ya hurrd?

Or, and I forgot to tell you guys... Two days ago, I got into a fight with a MANTIS. Yeah, it was right above my doorway and it freaked me out when I was sweeping off the front steps. So I swatted it down with my broom, and I proceeded to swat the ever living crap out of it! And wouldn't ya know, those things are TOUGH! It took the first one, and then tried to get up, but I think I broke it's legs, so it couldn't get all the way up. So I hit it again, thinking that it had about all it could take. But no! This Mantis kept trying to get up! It must have been on PCP or something, because I hit it four times with a broom. I'm talking like, swinging the broom over my head and slamming it into it's carcass. It stopped moving, so I figured that it was dead, and continued on with my sweeping.

Once that was done, I had to tell my mom that I totally killed the crap out of a Mantis. She told me that they were an endangered species. My initial reaction was panic. I didn't know these things were endangered! Soon after, disbelief set in, and I questioned her. I said, "Yeah right!" Then she told me to ask my step father. He said no, but my jackolantern shirtted brother said that they were. That's two to one. Even though my brother is a bit of a dullard, I took his word for it. So then I started to feel pretty good. I killed an endangered species... "Stupid thing shouldn't have endangered me by hiding up by the doorframe!" I exclaimed in the back yard. Mother wanted to see the Mantis' body on the steps, so I took her to where it was...

And when we went to where the battle took place, it wasn't there... The Mantis... The DEAD Mantis... Was gone...

I look forward to our next battle...

Just a thought /slash/ About comments.

2005-11-08T23:24:00.000-05:00

I wish I had a friend who drank turpentine… Just so I could know what it was like to know someone who drinks turpentine. Then I could try it and I could know what it’s like to drink turpentine. I bet it probably tastes like, well, probably bad, with a little mixture of pee, and some kind of unnamed chemical. It’d probably end up tasting like death though, because that’d probably be the end result of drinking it. But it sure would make for the best six and a half minutes of my life, or at least that last six and a half minutes.

You can now post whenever you want, and you don't have to have an account here to do it.

So feel free to comment until your heart stops!

A Van Damme State Of Mind.

2005-11-07T22:18:00.000-05:00

And no, it's not a cocaine induced hallucination!

For some strange reason, I found myself conversing with myself about how great Jean Claude Van Damme was. Weird, I know. But these are the kinds of things I think about from time to time.

Van Damme was the shit back in the late 80's and early to mid 90's. Bloodsport was absolutely radical, and I think it still holds up as one of the best martial arts films ever. Oh sure, some of it pales in comparison to all that wire-fu Hong Kong stuff that's put out today. But let's face it, the Muscles From Brussels didn't NEED that crap to be awesome. He had his trademark spin kicks and Bolo Yeung! I mean, the fights he had with Bolo were absolutely awesome! Especially in Double Impact. Oh man was Double Impact a great flick... I mean, TWO VAN DAMME'S FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! You can't get much better than that. He's tried! hahaha

But after that, I was thinking about where Van Damme is now... Last time I saw anything on him, he was doing kicks for a camera on one of those celebrity uncensored Television shows. I thought about that, and then I got a little depressed... Van Damme was one of my heroes growing up. Shoot, I used to think I was a karate expert because I watched Van Damme movies! It really hurt to think that my hero was a washed up coke addict...

But then I had an epiphany... I found a way to ressurect the career of Jean Claude Van Damme. There's only one man in Hollywood brave enough to put Van Damme back on the big screen...

And that man is...

QUENTIN TARANTINO (See, he's point at Van Damme right now!)

I firmly believe that if there's anyone on the planet that can ressurect the greatness that Van Damme once had, it's Quentin Tarantino. I'm gonna have to start a petition, or write a letter or something.

I'm gonna get on that, pronto.

See anything messed up /slash/ bank robbery

2005-11-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

Yup. So here it is, by popular demand! My blog. This is where I keep track of all of my nonsense...

It took me nearly forever to get the colour scheme right... Or should I say, what I think is right. Or, what goes with that nifty little photoshop image I made! So if you come across something that doesn't look right, leave me a comment so that I can check it out and wrack my brain trying to find out which stupid color code it belongs to.

Hopefully this font is ok...

Here's some healthy reading before I make my next post. The super mega collossal brainwave post.

Enjoy...

A few years ago, my friend Eric and I, on one cold and boring February morning had this idea. We were going to rob a bank. We had pretty well everything planned out as well. All we needed to know was, “Which major metropolitan bank were we going to hit?” We never came to that conclusion. But let’s just say that City “A” had a major bank in their downtown district, which just so happens to be across the street from said bank, is a coffee shop. That’s the starting point. That’s where we start from when we go to rob it. We’ll have none of this underground drilling bullshit. That’s for the pussies of the bank robbing business.

And no, we aren’t pussies.

No no, we were going to do something much cooler than drilling under a building and robbing it from the inside. It would just be too easy. You see, we were going to map out different spots on City A’s map. And whichever buildings corresponded with the spots on the map, were going to be rigged with explosives. And just to be on the safer side, not to be labeled as terrorists, we would try to keep the explosives away from the public highschools and residential areas of the city. We’d blow up warehouses, things of that nature where there would be as few casualties as possible. But then, the next day, after every building was rigged. We would sit in the coffee shop across the street from our target, and we would wait. And since technology has provided us with a way to turn a simple cellular telephone into a detonator, we would simple dial a number and building one would go up in a ball of fire and all things associated with exploding stuff. Then, after the proper authorities are called in to investigate the whole thing, we dial the second number on our handy dandy cellular teledetonator and we would reduce explosion point B to nothing but a similar ball of fire and metal and whatever it is that happened to point A. Followed closely by point C, which will be a point kind of out of the way, so the fire fighters and policemen have just that much farther to drive in order to put the fire out and do whatever it is policemen do when faced by these kinds of situations. We also thought about starting a forest fire in the woods near one of the city’s suburban areas, but that would have broken the rule of not blowing up things near residential areas…

So after the three explosions, there would be mass hysteria because there have been more than one explosion ion the span of maybe sixteen to twenty-three minutes. And once everything has been declared a gigantic fucking mess, we would run out of our coffee shop hideout, across the street, and into the bank, where we would proceed to get the people to open the safe, put the money in these burlap bags with green dollar signs on them, (gotta look like professionals one way or another), then, once everything was done, we would kill the witnesses in the bank, just because they would be able to give elaborate descriptions of our attire and whatnot. And then we would leave the bank, hop into a lime green 1972 Pinto hatchback, and drive away, successful.

But there is a slight problem with our master plan of robbing this bank. We both lacked the monetary funds to be able to come close to achieving the ultimate goal of robbing the motherfucker’s blind. We thought about asking our parents for a start, using an ever so clever ruse to trick them into giving us the money. We would say that we were going to go on a trip. But then we realized that there would be no way they would believe us. And besides, I was already asking my mom for money every time I turned around, so that was out of the question, and Eric’s parents were out buying “coffee” all the time.

That’s the secret code word… Figure it out and I’ll mail you a dollar.

And really, any money that would have been given to us from our parents would have gone to the coffee that we bought while sitting in the shop waiting for the shit to hit the fan. So we needed another financial wizard to give us our seed money. We couldn’t find, or rather, didn’t bother to look. Who in their right fucking mind is going to give two teenage guys the money to go rob a bank? We realized that we can’t get money without money, so we gave up on our dream to rob a bank… But we still kept the idea, and that’s what counts. I once told it to a friend of mine; he told me that it was a really good idea. I was flattered; I didn’t think that anyone would think that an idea for robbing a bank would be a good one. Then he told me to shut up and stop talking to people about it. I guess he thought that it was too good of an idea to let out into the open so freely like that. Then again, he was kind of a moron.

There’s a lesson to be learned here kids, when you plan to rob a bank, don’t plan too hard. It gets too expensive, and you’ll end up owing all of what you gained back to the people who supported your efforts, unless they’re the type of person who didn’t care if you paid them back. Then go for it. Make as much of a bang as humanly possible. What’s the worst that can happen?

As an aside... There's part of me that wants to call this thing the "KarBlog." A blatant rip off of the MBlog, naturally. But they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, don't they?